A
Bemoanful Beginning
When I
was first asked to review this morosely intensive and repentant
game, my only trepidation was in the fact that this particular
offering was not a pure “point & click” adventure. *(
“morosely intensive” a phrase which here means: Could I
comfortably work through the game with all the jumping, fighting and
shooting sequences there might possibly be and still have both my
wrists intact?) But after having read the original tittle-tattle
about the trials of the three tenacious and steadfast Baudelaire
children, I decided to give it a go. After all, it was expertly
chronicled and recorded for one’s perusal under the clever guise of
“Children’s Literature”. Authored by the famous (or should I say
suspicious?) Mr. Lemony Snicket who indeed habitually gives the
general population pause as he has a tendency to be quite reclusive
in nature and usually hides himself away letting his dear friend and
confidant, one Mr. Daniel Handler (with out whom the profuse
writings of Mr. Snicket would most certainty not exist) suffer
the brunt of all Mr. Snicket's reviews or criticisms no matter how
mild or severe they might be. It has even been said" *("even
been said" a phrase here which means I have gleaned this
knowledge upon the highest authority although I shall not reveal my
sources to anyone.) that Mr. Snicket has been reputed to be a
spy, a famous author, a gad-about-town, a fraud, a sometimes
innocent man and most recently the narrator of this video game.
However, we shall not dwell on such circumstances of opaque
duplicity here. It is a far better course to concentrate our efforts
upon the trials and tribulations put forth in this woefully moanfull
adventure game and not worry so much as to whether or not Lemony
Snicket does his own writing. Although I do have my dubious
thoughts,
You
won’t hear another word about it from me
...Really
I promise…
Suffice it to say, I awaited the
arrival of my copy of the PC version of this game in the mail with
breathless anticipation sent to me by one "Mrs. Floatingfeather",
truly a dear friend and colleague. *(“breathless
anticipation” a phrase, which here means: I practically
attacked my postman everyday for a week until the small parcel
finally arrived.) Upon its unperturbed emergence at my doorstep
(for after all, most mail is unperturbed until one “perturbs” it)
I hurried to my Windows XP System and feverishly loaded it up. Ah
yes, dear gamers, how despondently wonderful it is to have a piece
of software that works without a hitch on my system! Such joy, most
sincerely met. And as far as the subject matter went, how pleased
was I that my worrisome expectations were not dashed upon the jagged
weather worn rocks of my imagination, but rather that the visual
look and pensively disquieting musical underscore of the adventure
was as enticing to me as the first three books in the series which I
had penitently read a few years before while awaiting the fourth
installment of a certain biography about another orphaned child by
one of my favorite authors: J.K. Rowling.
Terrible Technical Stuff and
Nauseating Nonsense
The game encompasses the first three
books written by the insidiously infamous “Lemony Snicket”:
The Bad Beginning, The Reptile Room, and
The Wide Window. Which does plant certain ambiguous seeds
to mind that this may in fact be a start of an adventure
gaming series, well...if it was good enough for J.K. Rowling and her
sort, suffice it to say that one may only hope. I will tell you that
I did play the PC version of the game before the movie came out, and
was so very delighted with the “look” of the game itself: The eerie
and sometimes desolate backgrounds, the victorianesque characters,
the color palate choices of jewel tones against a sometimes
sepia-healed canvas which developed just the right touch of misery.
Add to this mélange the melancholic music of Jerry and Julian Soule
and we have the makings of a truly disheartening setting. All was
exactly as I had imagined the tragic sorrowful tale of the pitiful
Baudelaire children to be. The “topper” to all of this was to have
the “voice” of the narrator, Lemony Snicket, to be one of my
favorite Computer Game Voices… yes, ladies and gentleman I give you
none other than that wonderful man … that “Gabriel Knight”
of a character… That Sweet Transvestite from Transylvania
...The One…. The Only… the “Frighteningly Fabulous”….
Hold on to your drawers…. the insidious Mr. Tim Curry. *(“Frighteningly
Fabulous” a phrase which here means that for my money, it’s
enough that he is in the game alone with his scathingly brilliant
and sardonic witty delivery, which appears throughout the entire
adventure as either plot exposition or epithets of mournfully
acerbic encouragement when one loses at a particular gaming sequence
or when one of the Baudelaires faints dead away from sheer misery.)
From the very beginning of the game
when Tim Curry as Lemony Snicket declares,
"If you are interested in
casting magic spells, or saving the Earth from alien invasion, you
might as well stop right now."
"You see the videogame you are
about to play is extremely unpleasant. It does not have a happy
beginning, middle and if a happy ending is important to you, you
would certainly be better off with something else.”
I knew then that I would be in for a
treat. I suppose I should also mention that a few of the lead actors
from the movie’s original cast lent their talents to the voices of
the characters in the game itself. Jim Carey is perfectly at home as
usual as the obnoxiously despicable buffoon, Count Olaf, no
surprises there. I can't tell you the level of positive jubilation I
received during the endgame in both the PC and PS2 versions of the
adventure after I had soundly thwarted Count Olaf. For me, he is an
actor I absolutely love to despise. He plays a wonderful villain.
The voices of the two older Baudelaire children: Violet played by
Emily Browning and Klaus played by Liam Aiken are also a delight
worth mentioning. Interesting to also note here that the animated
characters within the adventure closely resemble their cinematic
counterparts. Well done...most well done.
The gaming interface was quite easy to
use even though it is not a simple Point & Click. While it employs
both mouse and keyboard, its steps are really quite logical and
simple to handle once you get the hang of it. The actions are basic
strafing, jumping, grabbing, operating those curious inventions, and
changing characters (something I really liked in the PS2 version)
between the three children Violet, Klaus and Sunny as the moment
calls for it.
Disagreeable Differences: PC
& Console Version
Unfortunately in the PC version one is
unable to choose with which child one would have perform the task at
hand, in the Console version one is afforded that peculiar luxury.
In both versions the untoward gamer, under the personae of "Les
Orphans de Baudelaire" (well, one at a time to be sure at any
rate...) will spend much of his/her time collecting various
items for Violet's curious contraptions, brass eyes and of course
various interesting and sometimes very odd things to use as
ammunition. However, The fascinating parchments in which a single
letter of the alphabet will be shown with an explanation of a
certain vocabulary word, (for which one can only ascertain that
this game perhaps infuses a certain learning curve with regard to
expanding one's verbal skills...) is afforded only to
those who play the PC version. Console gamers will just have to be
begrudgingly satisfied with collecting various colored puzzle pieces
which when accumulated in total will open up thus and sundry film
clips, recitations of various stories by Count Olaf and other
interesting cinematic paraphernalia from the recently released movie
production of the same name. This could be due to the little known
fact that PC Gamers have long been known to be more of a cerebral
lot and most assuredly would not be at all interested in such tawdry
drivel as viewing overrated movie clips and other such nonsense. The
unfortunate Console Gamers will also have the disagreeable task of
creating each of Violet's inventions, which are similar to but yet
quite different from those contraptions Violet creates by herself in
the PC version. *("Violet creates by herself" a
phrase which here means that for the PC gamer, while you will still
have to help the children seek out and grab these parts, the
inventions themselves are compiled together by a vehicle known in
the vernacular as "the cut scene".) How misguided!
While the storylines for both versions
follow the motion picture, which in turn follows the first three
books, they each offer the gamer a different gaming perspective.
This was actually a good thing as I am in possession of both a
number of Desktops and a PS2.
Saving is automatic for either version
which is the only feature about this game that I didn’t care for and
for some reason, you cannot exchange saved games with fellow games
on other systems with regard to the PC version... how regrettable...
but let us turn from this particularly wearisome experience and
forge ahead.
Gameplay
Now I will state straight away that if
you are an experienced Platform/FPS or RPG aficionado, this game,
unfortunately, is not for you and you should cease reading this
verbal reflection immediately, for it will not get any better as you
go along and might truly prove to be an unhealthy venue for you
indeed as the game's path is quite linear and very easy to master...
if you are meagerly intelligent and are in possession of intuitive
thought. But if you’re anything like me and think you might desire
to spend some time in the woefully imaginative world of three very
ingeniously inventive and precocious children such as the Baudelaire
Orphans then I heartily recommend this adventure to you. Everything
you need to advance the venture to its completion is always right
there in front of you, all you really have to do is maintain a
weathered eye.
As fatefully mentioned earlier, the
game employs the use of both mouse and keyboard. There is a plethora
of perilous situations and curious conundrums, (I counted over
fifteen the first go 'round) to explore as the three orphans
move throughout their world snatching up smidgens of this and bits
of that for Violet to use in creating her ingenious inventions. The
children each possess their own special abilities whether it is
Violet's creativity, Klaus' seemingly endless knowledge or Sunny's
carnivorous aptitude for chewing through almost anything as they
outwit Count Olaf and his dim-witted cronies. As you progress
though the game, the three forlorn orphans will take turns finding
things for Violet to use to create her inventions (there are
eight of these, each one more bizarre than the next). I found it
to simply be a superb time and thoroughly enjoyed myself.
It is also fairly interesting to note
here that the family who suffers together stays together. Suffering
seems to be a matter of course for the poor wretched Baudelaires, so
much so that Mr. Snicket has graciously allowed the use of “The
Misery Meter” *(“The Misery Meter” a phrase
which here means: a mother's golden locket in the shape of a heart,
which when touched by one of the children will act as a sort of
“restorative” for them) and raises their happiness somewhat by
lowering the level of their abject misery to a more bearable
degree.
For as anyone who is anyone knows:
"When one is filled with misery,
one has a tendency to faint."
Keep in mind that while the two older
orphans have full run of their woeful universe (such as it is…)
Sunny, the youngest Baudelaire, is most lamentably exploited in
tight spots and small oppressive situations. It is truly quite awful
to treat a baby in this manner but such is the life of the
Baudelaire infant and “needs” must almost always find its own
level.
"Always remember",
Violet Baudelaire often tells her unfortunate little sister,
“When life offers you lemons; make sure that you use them in the
Lofty Lobber!”
Smart girl, I’d say.
The Fateful Fable and the
Power of Three
So, who are the Beaudelaires? It is a
mournfully sad fable set somewhere in an area of New England during
sometime between the late 19th and early 20th
centuries. A sort of "New Englandy Dickensian" period of sorts, if
you will. Don’t understand? Well then...you’ll just either have to
take my word for it or play the game to see for yourself now, won’t
you?
You see... there are three Baudelaire
children. Violet, the eldest at fourteen, is an incredibly
imaginative child. Quite precarious actually with a passion for
engineering. No giggling, foolish girl was she… no, no. While other
young ladies her age were collecting hair ribbons, biting their lips
and pinching their cheeks into a rosy bloom as be suits their
nature. Violet used her ribbons to sensibly tie back her hair so as
to keep it out of her eyes whilst she was working on one of her many
incredible inventions. Klaus, the middle child, whose age I would
place at twelve years, was blessed with a photographic memory and a
profound proclivity toward reading each and every book he could get
his hands on. This fact would come in quite handy as the story
unfolds. Klaus is a veritable wealth of information. And then
finally, there is Sunny, the precociously precious baby, a toddler
really and while most assuredly innocent in the ways of the world
possesses no shortcomings when coming to aid of her older and more
experienced siblings. This feat is usually done by biting through
various objects with her four very tiny but extremely effective
razor sharp teeth. They are children of the privileged class but not
at all spoiled. *(The word “privileged” here means: Their
parents were filthy rich and they wanted for nothing.)
The children, as they play on the
lonely and desolate shores of Briny Beach one day are ill met by
their parents' local banker, Mr. Poe. *(The phrase "ill met"
which here means that Mr. Poe being a well meaning adult has some
rather awfully bad news to impart to the children) It is here
that their unfortunate journey begins as Mr. Poe relates the sad and
most unsettling tale of how the unfortunate children's patiently
philanthropic parents had precariously perished in a fire at their
home and that all of their belongings were destroyed. Alas! They
would now be considered “orphans” and would not be entitled to any
of their majestically massive fortune (appropriately left to them
by their patiently philanthropic parents but still under the
watchful and well meaning eye of Mr. Poe) until they had come of
age. The kindly, but rather imperceptively literal Mr. Poe arranges
for them to be placed (as a condition of their parents’ will)
with their closest living relative. Who is none other than the
outlandish and dastardly Count Olaf. Enter “Jim Carey in animated
form”. The children are whisked away to the Count’s decrepit and
might I say not very well maintained home, where the Count along
with his evil henchmen…er, Troupe of Talented Thespians plot to "do
away" with the children along with anyone else who might get in
their way…and claim the inheritance. But unfortunately for them,
they have grossly underestimated the wretched but highly intrepid
Baudelaires...
…And we’re off to the races!
Conclusion
I realized all too soon that I would
be precariously and perilously drawn into Mr. Curry’s superlative
spell as he wove the woeful and ominous tale of the three doleful
and misery filled Baudelaire children and their series of
unfortunate events. And after just 10 minutes into the game I knew I
was right. At times I felt that I could actually hear a stifled
giggle or two as I showed my mediocre talents during the "arcade
levels" of the end game in the PS2 version. *("arcade levels"
a phrase which here means thank the Maker, not to mention the
well meaning game designers for not programming such dastardly
occurrences into the PC version) Perhaps I'm drawn to
such woebegone and sad tales of miserly relatives, righteous albeit
pitiable orphaned children and well meaning adults as it allows me
to asses my own hideous state of affairs and realize that the grass
is not always greener on the other side of the fence, as it were.
Lemony Snicket’s A Series of
Unfortunate Events is one of many in a new “sub genre” of
Action/Adventure Games. I like to refer to them as
“Books-to-Movie-to-Video Games” or BMV Games for short.
This particular one was developed by Amaze Entertainment and
published for both the Computer and Console systems by Activision,
in conjunction with Nickelodeon, DreamWorks and Paramount who had
produced the motion picture, which was released in theatres this
past December to the consummate joy of this reviewer. *(The
phrase “consummate joy” which here means: I absolutely loved
the books and the movie... this genre is so straight up my alley
that I’ve played the PC version three times and the PS2 version
twice.) If you are fortunate enough to belong to that ever
growing gaggle of Adventure Gamers who own both a PC and a gaming
console, and think you would enjoy this genre, I encourage you to do
as I did and play both the PC and the Console versions, for while
they are similar in look they are solidly singular in their
approach. I highly recommend them both, and look forward to Mr.
Snicket's next installment.
…Inferno
