Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.
ALBERT EINSTEIN
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Out of Use
As I was nursing my baby, my cousin’s six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast- feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing.
After mulling over my answers, she remarked, "My mom has some of those, but I don’t think she knows how to use them."
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Seeing is Believing
My father and I belong to the religion of Sikhism. We both wear the traditional turban and often encounter strange comments and questions. Once, in a restaurant, a child stared with amazement at my father. She finally got the courage to ask, "Are you a genie?"
Her mother, caught off guard, turned red in the face and apologized for the remark. But my dad took no offense and decided to humor the child.
He replied, "Why, yes I am. I can grant you three wishes."
The child’s mother blurted out, "Really?"
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Smart Eyes
A first-grader came to the ophthalmology office where I work to have his vision checked. He sat down and I turned off the lights. Then I switched on a projector that flashed the letters F, Z and B on a screen. I asked the boy what he saw.
Without hesitation he replied, "Consonants."
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Telling the Truth
Being a teenager and getting a tattoo seem to go hand and hand these days. I wasn’t surprised when one of my daughter’s friends showed me a delicate little Japanese symbol on her hip. "Please don’t tell my parents," she begged.
"I won’t," I promised. "By the way, what does that stand for?"
"Honesty," she said.
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White Lie
I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room.
The triage nurse asked for my height and weight, and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight and 125 pounds."
While the nurse pondered this information, my mother leaned over to me. "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet."
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Asking for Help
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered, and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes, that’s right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
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Fake Teeth
The orthodontist and his assistants were removing my ten-year-old son’s dental appliance. Because it was cemented to his upper teeth, they had to use some pressure to release it. When it finally popped out, three of his baby teeth came out as well.
My boy was horrified when he saw the gaps. "Well," he said to the staff gathered around him, "who do I see about getting dentures?"
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Gritty Chocolate
As a dentist, I recently tried out a new chocolate-flavored pumice paste on my patients. No one liked it except for a six-year-old boy. While I polished his teeth, he continued to smile and lick his lips. "You must really like this new flavor," I said.
"Yep," he replied, nodding with satisfaction. "It tastes just like the time I dropped my candy bar in the sandbox."
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Wrong Cure
The commercial for Viagra with the middle-aged men running happily through the streets to the song "We Are the Champions" came on while my husband and ten-year-old son were watching TV. After seeing these jubilant men kicking up their heels, my son turned to his father and said, "Dad, would you be that happy if you got rid of your heartburn?"
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood. Hot again, but otherwise wonderful.
My problem is trying to take the dogs to the park, go to Walmart and get groceries, and come back home and mow the lawn before it gets too hot.
We'll see how that goes.
I'm thinking about getting an air conditioned lawn mower.....and one of those caps that hold a can of beer with long straw.
My neighbors don't seem to enjoy watching me mow my yard naked.
With all that sun I look more like a lobster anyway.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe