Greetings one and all - another damp but unseasonally warm day here, so garden tasks are on hold and the keyboard beckons, yielding this frivolity:
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:
1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA ..... FLOOR.
2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANISATION.
3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
5. I WENT TO A BOOK STORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
7. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
11 WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
12. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK IN AND CLEAN THEM?
13. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
14. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
15. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
16. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
17. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
18. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
(This one took me a minute)
19. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
20. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
21. IF ONE SYNCHRONISED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
22. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
23. WHY ARE HAEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HAEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASTEROIDS?"
24. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
25. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
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