>REM I guess it's an animated gif Becky.

REMARK made.

>_



Bernard

Talk to lantern.

The lantern flap opens magically. A voice emerges that sounds like a combination of Peter Lorre and Daffy Duck.

"I am NOT a Standard Oil lamp!" says the voice. "Nor am I named after any other business enterprise. Are you TRYING to be insulting?"

>Apologize to lantern.

"Sincere apologies, oh sentient lantern," you say, bowing hastily. "It won't happen again. Err, do you know anything about how yonder skeleton met its sad demise?"

"The place is thick with grues," murmurs the lantern. "And I see someone's been slaying turkeys too. I have many friends who are turkeys. I hope you are sensible enough to have something murderous in your inventory to slay the turkey-killer."

>_ (Tempted to pirate animated gif.)

> I thought I was sensible enough to have something in my inventory but all I have is my wig - I don't mind the ringlets so much but oh pleease - the big pink bow! Nearly all my inventory was thrown down a well a few pages ago I CAN'T PLAY ANYMORE WITHOUT LOTS OF INVENTORY So before I go slay the turkey killer I'm going to collect a few - no, make that lots of things first if you don't mind.
> Look around see small shard of flint - pick it up. Is that a set of ladders over there - yep! I'll have those - pick-up ladders..................

EDIT I have a bow.

REM Feel free to use THIS one Becky!


REMARK made.

> inv

You are carrying 4 item(s):

An empty bucket, a wig, a shard of flint and ladders.





Bernard

>REM Given that the gif is all of .11KB, I don't think I mind if people steal it from me...

REMARK made.

> Pick up lantern

You pick up the lantern you dropped a short time ago for no apparent reason. The lantern grumbles noisily. It's still short on fuel.

> Use flint on lantern

You send random sparks flying into the lantern, but with no oil to light the effort is useless.

You hear something approaching through the shrubbery.

> Throw ladder at shrubbery

You throw the ladders in the general direction of the noise and are gratified to hear a loud thump followed by someone shouting "Ow!"

A moment later you are startled to see an exact duplicate of yourself stumble out of the shrubbery, wearing a ladder and a wig. Your double stops in front of you and hands you a dusty bottle containing a small amount of olive oil. "You're going to need this," your double says. You watch in gratified confusion as your twin wanders off to the West.

>put olive oil in lantern

Um. Okay.

>Light lamp with flint

Olive oil makes a lousy lantern fuel.

>Light lamp with flint or I'll strangle you.

Fortunately for you the lantern is a sentient magic lamp and instantly lights with a strong, steady flame. In the light of the lantern you can now see a path, heading east.

>E

You walk East and are surprised to find yourself standing next to a strangely familiar well. The path continues to the East.

>Save game

Game Saved.

>Look at well

You can't see much, it's too dark.

>Use lantern on well

You throw the lit lantern down the well. You hear a disappointing splash as the lantern hits bottom and goes out. Congratulations.

>Load Game

Are you sure? Y/N

>Y

Game Loaded. You are standing next to a strangely familiar well. A path leads to the east and west.

>Use lantern to light well

You hold the lantern over the well and look down. The well is about four feet deep. At the bottom you see a pile of stuff. In one corner stands a beautiful woman holding a gold credit card.

>Take stuff

Most of this stuff is useless, but you decide to take a pocket sword, 3 cents, a gun with 2 bullets remaining, a dusty bottle containing a small amount of olive oil, a clipper lighter, and a moldy piece of brie.

Delete, delete, delete...

>East

You're at the edge of a cliff. Three yards beneath you, you see a bird's nest with some eggs in it. Those eggs may come in handy! There are some long roots of a tree growing down the edge. You can go west or down.

>use roots to climb down

You climb down the roots until you reach the nest.

>take eggs

When you stretch out your hand to get the eggs, you here a flapping sound. A gigantic bird nears you..!




Bernard

You have on instant idea... "I'll play dead like possums do" and with a little hop you fall down facing the sky... The bird starts thinking that she scares you do death... No food tonight...

You stand up, the bird sees you. It's turning and flies towards you again.




Bernard

You put on the wig with the large pink bow - the bird laughs so much it gets hiccups and floats away. Pick up egg.
Continue down the roots-

You climb down the roots further. You're at the entrance of a cave.

>enter cave

The cave looks like someone lived in here a very long time ago. There's some painting equipment here and a musical instrument.

>use egg with painting equipment

You paint the egg with the old paint pigments. You have an Easter egg now!

>play instrument

You play "Here Comes the Bride" on the old xylophone. You're baffled because nobody appears!!!

Nothing else can be done here, so you leave the cave and climb up the roots until you reach the edge of the cliff.
Exits are to the West and Down.




Bernard

>go West

You go West. Suddenly you hear an almighty kerfuffle behind you. You turn around cautiously. A female grue in a wedding dress is charging in your direction. Meet your new wife.

>No way!!

Yes way.

>throw Easter egg at grue

That's not very friendly, but ok. You throw the Easter egg at the grue in white. It hits her on the forehead, splatters and covers her with yolk. I hope you're satisfied.

>run run run

You run run run until you reach a crossroads. Four paths leading to who knows where. Vultures circle overhead. Flower blossoms wave gently in the warm breeze. Where to now?

>_

West.

You turn west and run down a path between meadows full of clover. Bees buzz around you. Just as you are feeling safe, over a rise comes a middled-aged grue carrying a shotgun. Your future father-in-law! You barely have time to wonder why grues are no longer afraid of sunlight as you turn and run back to the crossroads.

>_

> go North

You see a village hidden between the trees, there are six grues here. They are dressed in different outfits. A cowboy, an Indian, a police officer,a construction worker, a military man and the last one wears a leather outfit. They are singing about young grues staying somewhere and having fun.
Oh no, they are The Village Grues!

You don't want to walk this way, so you return to the crossroads.




Bernard

>wave to the one wearing the leather before you leave

Oh, just stop that.

>go East

You go East. The woods are becoming denser, the path becoming narrower. The branches overhang and converge, making it impossible to progress.

>use pocket sword on branches

You cut through the branches. The dirt path has brushed aside to reveal a winding, curling path of yellow bricks. In the far distance you can see a castle with many turrets. Should we follow the yellow brick road?

>why not

A little enthusiasm, please, otherwise I shall force you to sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow

>Yes, let's please follow the yellow brick road!!

You follow the yellow brick road.

>_

There are some bushes at the side of the road, in one of them you see a pair of eyes glistening. Fear fills your heart, that's a lion, you think! Then a strange looking cat comes out of the bushes. I's black with a white stripe on his back and tail. It looks at you and introduces itself. "Hi there, I'm Pepé Le Pew, what are you doing here?".

>ask about le Bistro à l'Aztec

"I don't know ......................"

You know there's a big but coming. Indeed a woman has walked up to you! "Hi I'm Lay Low, your bride-to-be!"
Is this the same woman as the female grue?
"You look totally different now!" She smiles at you and says "Don't panic this just my stage image."

Pepé sees you're scared and decides to help you, he squirts some bodily fluids onto the grue. The smell is terrible but the grue is dissolving. Seconds later only her red, shiny shoes are left.

>take shoes

You take the red shoes.

>talk to Pepé

"How did you do that?"
"That's one of my little secrets. I don't know where that Bistro is, but I know someone who will. His name is The Wonderful Whizzer. I'll join you on your way there. I have to speak to him also, I have a small BO problem and he might have a cure for it."




Bernard

This saga just makes my day!

You proceed along the yellow brick road. Dancing optional. After a short distance you arrive at a turnstile. Beside the turnstile is a heap of rusty old junk.. no, wait, it appears to be an old automaton. Is it moving?

>examine automaton

You touch the automaton. Its eyes blink, it is trying to talk.

>use olive oil with automaton's mouth

Oh, you're getting good at this now. You apply the olive oil to the automaton's mouth.

"Thank you!" says the automaton, "I am the Lord Osscccaarrrrrrs from a few pages back. I caught my train, but that ungrateful wench kicked me off when I asked for her ticket. I landed in a puddle and now I'm all rusty... waaahhhhhhhhhh"

>comfort Lord Osssccarrrrrssssss

You attempt to comfort Lord Osssccarrrrrrssssss. Eventually he stops sniffling. You apply olive oil to all his rusty joints. He begins to move more freely. Should he join your merry troupe?

>just as long as he doesn't want my ticket

Lord Ossccarrrrrrssss joins your merry troupe. Off you all go again.

>_

The three of you are happily walking down the road again. In a field you see a big donkey grazing. You want to attend them to the huge ass to your companions, but you think of Lay Low and you keep your mouth shut.

>talk to Lord o'Scars

"Hi you, would you mind if I call you Scarface?"

He says he doesn't care, as long as you oil him up and rewind his spring every now and then.

"What's your big problem, Scarface?"
He says he's really self aware about his appearance and he wants an Extreme Makeover. He thinks the Whizzer can do that for him.

The weather is changing, clouds are blocking the light of the sun. It starts to rain.

You walk on, through the rain. Walk on, walk on. You're entering a vineyard, there are crows everywhere! (At last crows! No game can do without them!). There's a scarecrow, tied to a cross shaped wooden construction.

>use pocket sword with scarecrow

You cut the ties of the scarecrow.

>take cross

You take the cross, the scarecrow whimpers "Please don't be cross with me!!"

>talk to scarecrow

"Where are we now?" He answers "These are the vineyards of the Château d'Y, They make the sweetest wines here!" You say that Y is a very short name, he acknowledges it's short, but the owner had no choice, a longer name wouldn't have fitted because the château is very small.

Down the road again!




Bernard

>inv

Your inventory contains an empty bucket, a wig, a shard of flint,
a pocket sword, 3 cents, a gun with 2 bullets remaining, a dusty bottle containing a very small amount of olive oil, a clipper lighter, a moldy piece of brie and a pair of (mostly) red slippers.

>Mostly red?

I'm a text parser, not a doctor. Care to rephrase that in the form of something intelligible?

>Look at shoes

On closer examination, you find that the shoes are actually silver slippers, covered in grue blood.

>Use wig on shoes

You now have one pair of silver slippers, and one (mostly) red wig.

After walking further along the yellow brick road, the path widens out onto a poppy field. Ooo how pretty.

>frolic amongst the poppies

This is an adventure game, not an episode of Teletubbies.

>bypass poppies

This is a yellow brick road, not a bypass.

>walk past the poppies whilst keeping a safe distance and being extremely careful not to inhale too deeply

That's a long sentence, but it's correct and you earn bonus points

>hoorah!

You steer clear of the poppies.

>_

Down the road again!

You realize you don't know anything about the scarecrow!

>examine scarecrow

As you look at him, you see there's something weird about his nose. He's wearing a glove on one hand.

>ask where he's coming from

"I come from NeverEverland™ Sir. By the way, my name is Michael."
You don't know what to think of him.

You keep on walking, you're glad your boots were made for this.

The road is long, with many a winding turns.
After one of the turns you see a man playing a trumpet, it sounds cool, you wish you still had your sun glasses.

>greet musician

He takes of his black hat and greets you back.
"Guys, you're all welcome. My name is Miles, how can I be of help?"

>ask about Whizzer

"Yeah, I've heard about him, he lives in the Castle of the Yellow Fountains."
You ask how far it is.
"You know, there are many people called Miles, I guess you've got another 45 Miles' to go!" He takes a piece of jewellery out of his ear and gives you the golden earring. "When you see the Whizzer, please give him this."
He starts to play the trumpet again and as you're walking away, you're treated with som fine jazz.

Down the road again!





Bernard

Talk to Miles.

Off the yellow brick road is a short path leading to a quaint cottage. Outside the cottage is a sign: "The Amazing Miles -- 45 Voices, Each Surprisingly Different!" You knock on the door.

Miles answers. He is dressed in peasant garb and holds out a cup.

>Put penny in cup.

Miles reaches up to the sign and flips it to the back, where you see a list of names, all written in what seems to be Elvish. Miles gestures to indicate that you should choose a name.

>Alfred Hitchcock.

Miles does not speak as Alfred Hitchcock.

>Judy Garland

Miles does not speak as Judy Garland.

>Hugh Bliss.

Who? READ THE SIGN!

>How can I read the sign? You are completely unreasonable. And who ARE you anyway? Identify yourself!

Miles speaks with all 45 voices at once. "We are legion," he says. You manage to identify the voices of Darth Vader, Sybil Trelawney, Princess Buttercup, Spiderman and Bugs Bunny as he speaks, but the incident is now so creepy that you back away from Miles and head on down the road.

>_