Only a fool humbles himself when the world is so full of men eager to do that job for him.
GEORGE R. R. MARTIN
Did you know his middle names are Roy Rogers?
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UNIVERSAL LAWS 1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law - If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of bio mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11.. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked.. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
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The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumblin in the distance.
The little old man looked at the preacher and calmly said, 'Well......she's there.'
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Two businessmen in Florida were sitting
down for a break in their soon-to-be new
store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few
shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some senior is going to
walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a
curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice
asked, "What are you sellin' here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling idiots."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "Must be doing well...
only two left."
Seniors -- don't mess with them!
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Jails and Nursing HomesHere's the way it should be:
Let's put the seniors in jail and the criminals in nursing homes.
This would correct two things in one motion:
Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs, etc.
They would receive money instead of having to pay it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they would be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes.
All meals and snacks would be brought to them
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight/fitness room, spiritual counseling, a pool and education...and free admission to in-house concerts by nationally
recognized entertainment artists.
Simple clothing - ie., shoes, slippers, pj's - and legal aid would be free, upon request.
There would be private, secure rooms provided for all with an outdoor exercise yard complete with gardens.
Each senior would have a P.C., T.V., phone and radio in their room at no cost.
They would receive daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear any complaints and the ACLU would fight for their rights and protection.
The guards would have a code of conduct to be strictly adhered to, with attorneys available, at no charge to protect the seniors and their families from abuse or neglect.
As for the criminals:
They would receive cold food.
They would be left alone and unsupervised. They would receive showers once a week.
They would live in tiny rooms, for which they would have to pay $5,000+ per month.
They would have no hope of ever getting out. "Sounds like justice to me!"
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Good morning everyboomie.
Tuesday already?. I was just getting used to Monday.
Well, I didn't do a lot Monday. I kept looking for something to do, some project I could start after I went to Walmart, but I just couldn't think of a darned thing.
Then, at about 5:00 I looked at my dirty, dog hair covered floor, and it hit me. I could have vacuumed.
Then I realized that a lot of the dirt, food, and feathers on the floor were caused by Pepper, and that her cage is even worse than the floor, and that I was intending to clean it when I had the time, but that didn't even cross my mind today.
When I went to Walmart, I also went to Lowe's, and got a new tire for my lawnmower, and some oil for it, but when I got back home, I didn't even think about putting the tire on, and changing the oil.
A couple of other minor things popped into my head........just now. Like all the dirty dishes in the kitchen, and all the dirty clothes in the laundry room, but as they say, there's always tomorrow right?
Tomorrow is trash day too, so now I can fill the trash bin with some more of the old mulch from the flower beds.
At this rate I'll have them all cleaned out by September.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
You'll get lots done at this rate, Joe! How is Pepper? 
Ana hope you get to do your hike with Peter. 
Space enjoy your day too. 
Coffee and tea are ready. A happy stress free day wished for you all! 
