Keeping an active mind has been vital to my survival, as has been maintaining a sense of humor.
~Stephen Hawking~
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You stole my Microsoft Office and for that you’re going to pay.
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You have my Word!
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Web site log in: Sorry, your password 257EeffQ@# is not secure enough.
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Cash machine login 1234: Here’s your 1000 dollars.
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When I greeted my boss in the morning, he told me to have a good day.
Who am I to argue? So I thanked him and went back home.
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I’m already doing 60 in a 30 mph zone and still that guy is sticking to me. And now he’s blinding me with these blinking blue & red lights. The world is full of psychos!
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Not every badly unkempt guy is homeless. It could well be that he lives with 3 females and only 1 bathroom.
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A German, an American and a Russian walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them suspiciously and says, “Is this some kind of a joke?”
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Waiter? I’m sorry, but I cannot eat all this. Would you be so kind and pack it for me? To take away?
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But sir, this is a buffet.
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Pack it up I said!“
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I wish I could go to the Maldives again.”
“Wow, you’ve been to the Maldives?”
“No, but I wished it before, and now I'm wishing it again.”
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I saw a poster today, somebody was asking “Have you seen my cat?” So I called the number and said that I didn’t. - I like to help where I can.
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I just like to sleep naked........but that air-hostess could have been a bit more understanding.
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Woman to her husband while going at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bathroom, Kitchen, Living room..."
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My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
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I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having had my spine and both testicles removed. Still, some of the wedding gifts were prettycool.
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My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and locked her out of
the house.
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My wife and I have been married for quite a few years and my wife asked me recently to get some pills that would make sure I’d be up to some action in the bedroom again.
I brought home diet pills. Apparently not what she meant.
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What to give a man who’s got everything? A woman. She’ll tell him how everything works.
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I tried to re-marry my ex-wife.
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But she figured out I was only after my money.
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A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
“Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age. I told her I was 89."
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Good morning everyboomie.
It is Monday April 9th. Exactly one week until tax returns have to be filed.
Does everyone have your returns filed yet?
I got my refund weeks ago.
I bought a half tank of gas with it.
I'm thinking about going back to work, so that I can pay more taxes, so that I can get a bigger refund.
Wishing you all a happy day, and many happy returns.
joe
acebook
witter
Joe! I consider any tax refund a bonus. nothing worse than owing the IRS. 
I do have to meet a new client at 7pm but other than that it's normal routine. Oh happy days!!! 
Karen 
Ana...I'll get back to normal days next week
L4L
with the new client. 
