Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
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~Albert Einstein~
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If a man said he’ll fix it, he’ll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.
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I’m pretty sure some people’s head is just a backup copy of their butt.
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What do I have in common with a Victoria’s Secret best model?
I’m hungry, too.
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Before you say something harsh about someone, try walking a mile in their shoes. It’s very convenient because even if you’re really rude, you’re a mile away AND you’ve got their shoes.
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F*art when people hug you. You’ll make them feel strong.
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I didn’t fall down. I did attack the floor though.
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How stupid are you?
a) very
b) A
c) B
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Funny that you can't spell "slaughter" without "laughter".
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We got divorced on the grounds of religious differences. My husband thought he was God.
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Money alone won’t make you happy. You’ve got to own it.
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I speak fluent Ironic with a solid sarcastic accent.
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I used to think that you were a pain in the neck. My opinion of you has dropped significantly lower since then.
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It is a truth universally acknowledged that your urge to pee intensifies as you are unlocking the door.
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Sorry, I can’t hang out. My auntie’s cousin’s brother in law’s best friend’s accountant’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Some other time maybe.
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I had loads to do today. Ah well, so now I have loads to do tomorrow.
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All my life I thought air was for free. That was until I bought a bag of crisps.
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Of course you're not fat. Just grab a couple of chairs and come sit with us.
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's another glorious day down here in the sunshine state.
Well, we have lots of sunshine too.
I just ordered another 50 gallons of sun screen.
This morning I took Missy to the park, then went to Walmart for food....just like I said I would.
Maybe next time you'll believe me, and save me the trouble of having to prove it.
I have a guy coming to repair my windshield in the morning, and it looks like it's time to mow again after that.
Wishing everyone a happy Tuesday.
joe
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witter
