"Sometimes, big trees grow out of acorns. I think I heard that from a squirrel."
Jerry Coleman
Soot??
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The teacher of the school geography class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked:
"Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"
After a confused silence, little Johnny volunteered - "I guess you'd be eating alone!"
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These are actual excuse notes teachers have received, spelling mistakes included.
My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
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A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries.
The boy opened a box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
"What are you doing?" his mother asked.
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained, "so I'm looking for the seal!"
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A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar loudly.
So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the front. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was just being the Ring Bear!"
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The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.
"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me." "Good. What comes after three." "Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?" "Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"
"A Jack."
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This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father.
His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get?
He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.
His father congratulated him. And then he said "That's good son, maybe next time you'll get a talking role!"
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Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Johhny?"
"Well, my goldfish died," replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up,"and I've just buried him."
The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied... "That's because he's inside your cat!"
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Good morning everyboomie. 
Break's over, back to work untill next Wednesday. I can hardly contain my excitement. My feet are tingling all under. 
What are you all excited about today?

Maybe I can help you contain your excitement. I have some experience. 
All my life I've had to contain my excitement.................or, was it to hold my water?.....

I don't think they're the same. I'm just not so good at holding my water. 
As a matter of fact I think I'll most likely lose my water any number of times before Friday. 
I don't even like holding my water. It's very heavy.
It's like when someone says to you, "get a hold of yourself man!"
Right!
Every time I do that, people look at me like I belong in a psyche ward.
They're like, "We're going to leave you alone now." 
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Thanks for the chuckles Joe! I hope you have a fantastic Monday and that somebody makes you laugh and smile. 
Sue! Glad you it was a happy occasion. Sweet dreams.
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Cailyn, Aser, Haroula and all who come in later. Hope everyone has a sunny Monday!
Darleen! Woohoo and booyah!
Have an easy peasy day!
Hope work flies and goes well.
Thanks for the danish!
